I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
