So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
