forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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