omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
