I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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