I wannas sexs uuuuu
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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