"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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