It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
