It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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