Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
