just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and she was petting her beer can
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
