seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
