So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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