did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
