haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
