I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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