Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
