i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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