I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
