remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
