I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
