we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
