Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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