According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
