Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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