I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
