There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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