I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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