I can't watch pbs sober anymore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Actions speak louder than pants.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
