I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
