I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
