good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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