Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
