cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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