How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
