And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
