sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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