Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
