you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
