Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
