i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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