OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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