My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
two words...techno handjob
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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