Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
