I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
