help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
