my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
