I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How naked do you want me to be?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
