You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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