I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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