You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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