He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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