3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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