wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
